Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Spencer's: A Holiday Gift Guide

Having trouble figuring out what to get your friends and family this holiday season? Why not take a trip down to the local galleria, make a sharp left at the Cinnabon, a right at Hot Topic, and find yourself toiling around the hellish landscape that is - Spencer's Gifts. 

If you've ever had a hard time finding shirts, belt buckles, and shot glasses that set back the human race by ATLEAST a few million years, then look no further.

They have a wonderful selection of t-shirts that pretty much if not exactly say "I FUCKING HATE WOMEN!" See below:
Top left: "Girls I would FUCK after 2am: Fat girls, hairy girls, bald girls, ugly girls, girls with no ass, girls with no tits, girls with one leg, girls with no legs, girls with no teeth, midgets.
Top Right: WIFE: Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.
At least with this one shirt they offer equal opportunity:  

They also offer a apparel that will bring the family closer together:
Like father, like son. 
But if the "Party with Sluts" isn't what you want YOUR baby wearing:
I cant even...
Right: the shirts most likely to appear in a mug shot. Left: the baby most likely to end up with fetal alcohol syndrome.
Spencer's Gifts defines itself on their website as "an oasis within the mall environment." I don't know about you, but this:

doesn't make me feel like this:

It actually might make sense that Spencer's is a fun filled pleasure zone to it's demographic. I mean, where else are you going to find home accessories like this?
Note the little leprechaun man on the left, and the fish coming out of a portal. 

Crate and Barrel? Home Goods? I didn't think so. Also, I am pleasantly shocked by the thoughtfulness of the item below:
I mean, just because you have a pool of bong water slowly turning your bedroom rug into mold doesn't mean that you don't care about the integrity of the paint on your walls! You spent countless hours at Home Depot with your girlfriend deciding whether warm bisque or sand dune was a better color, RIGHT?

Left: this shirt probably sells very well considering NO ONE that goes to Spencer's has a job. Right: I'm actually not mad at anyone that wears this, lawl.

So what are you wishing for from Spencer Clause this year? Just head to their site and type your wildest dream into this box:

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Movin' On Up

 Frankie the cat has finally been done the honor of receiving a tag which reads "Frankie Scarlata."
It only took my parents about five years and many trips to the vet (one including a extraction of all of his teeth (!) to realize that he was in fact, our cat. I can only imagine how he feels about this, probably similar to how the toys of Toy Story regard their owner's name written on them in permanent ink. But then again, we have tried giving him collars before, all of which magically disappeared or were found hanging 8 feet up in trees throughout the neighborhood. We'll see how long this one lasts.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Wonders of the Internet

Every now and again I'll check my stats on my blog to see if anyone is looking. You know, to see if my life has any value. Whenever I would randomly check my old Blogger stats it showed that it was getting WAY more hits than my Tumblr even though I hadn't updated it for months. Since the last post I ever did (3/16/2010) I have gotten 5,000 unique visitors. Why you ask? This is why. I posted about Don Draper's new girlfriend on "Mad Men" which included a censored picture of her in "Hot Tub Time Machine." Apparently all of the perverts who use YAHOO image search get almost immediately taken to MY blog for the image!

Chloe Moretz Looks Awesome as Child Prostitute from 'Taxi Driver'

Harper's Bazzar is doing something cool. They have decided to recreate some of Martin Scorsesse's most memorable and iconic scenes, with alternate actors. In some instances its even more glam and fantastic (ie. Chloe Moretz as Iris) and in other cases it's retard-o (ie. Keanu as Travis Bickle.) Although it does raise a fun(ny) thought, what if they re-made Taxi Driver WITH KEANU REEVES?!

Downplay the Cat Part

I'm having strange heart palpitations imagining that this is not just a video I saw on the internet...but my future. This lady (add or disregard the "crazy cat" before the "lady" depending on your level of judgement,) had a beautiful 9 foot replica built of the crooked Weasley Burrow from Harry Potter built just for her cats...and her. This carpenter must be QUITE talented because building the Weasly house is quite a challenge, it is in fact  "held by the movie." He pauses there for just an instant, almost to infer that his creation is too, held by magic.

Laura insists that she is no crazy cat lady, telling the cameras, "if you downplay the cat part, and you up-play yard art, is what I was going for"
Of course! I'm convinced. But then again my thinking and her thinking are not that far apart. 

I appreciate that Laura has SUCH a intimate knowledge of what the Weasley's would really do, she even knows their building material preferences!  "Copper not only is expensive, but it would not be something the Weasley's would use," she told the artiste.

Upon being asked if her cats will like it she empatically replied "YES!" with what can only be described as Target Lady enthusiasm. Cut to: the cats not going anywhere near that teetering structure, favoring that toaster box from Amazon. I actually wouldn't be surprised if this lady didn't even have cats. Cut to her curled up in her little "cat house" so pleased with her purchase. So pleased.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Back to Blog

Hey guys,

A while back I switched from Blogger to Tumblr, I now realize that was a mistake. I will continue to use Tumblr, but as more of a sharing site like Twitter, not as my main blog. Breaking Bad is over for now, so now I have time. I gave the blog a little makeover, enjoy!

Image and video hosting by TinyPic