Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Spencer's: A Holiday Gift Guide

Having trouble figuring out what to get your friends and family this holiday season? Why not take a trip down to the local galleria, make a sharp left at the Cinnabon, a right at Hot Topic, and find yourself toiling around the hellish landscape that is - Spencer's Gifts. 

If you've ever had a hard time finding shirts, belt buckles, and shot glasses that set back the human race by ATLEAST a few million years, then look no further.

They have a wonderful selection of t-shirts that pretty much if not exactly say "I FUCKING HATE WOMEN!" See below:
Top left: "Girls I would FUCK after 2am: Fat girls, hairy girls, bald girls, ugly girls, girls with no ass, girls with no tits, girls with one leg, girls with no legs, girls with no teeth, midgets.
Top Right: WIFE: Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.
At least with this one shirt they offer equal opportunity:  

They also offer a apparel that will bring the family closer together:
Like father, like son. 
But if the "Party with Sluts" isn't what you want YOUR baby wearing:
I cant even...
Right: the shirts most likely to appear in a mug shot. Left: the baby most likely to end up with fetal alcohol syndrome.
Spencer's Gifts defines itself on their website as "an oasis within the mall environment." I don't know about you, but this:

doesn't make me feel like this:

It actually might make sense that Spencer's is a fun filled pleasure zone to it's demographic. I mean, where else are you going to find home accessories like this?
Note the little leprechaun man on the left, and the fish coming out of a portal. 

Crate and Barrel? Home Goods? I didn't think so. Also, I am pleasantly shocked by the thoughtfulness of the item below:
I mean, just because you have a pool of bong water slowly turning your bedroom rug into mold doesn't mean that you don't care about the integrity of the paint on your walls! You spent countless hours at Home Depot with your girlfriend deciding whether warm bisque or sand dune was a better color, RIGHT?

Left: this shirt probably sells very well considering NO ONE that goes to Spencer's has a job. Right: I'm actually not mad at anyone that wears this, lawl.

So what are you wishing for from Spencer Clause this year? Just head to their site and type your wildest dream into this box: